Interview

I have an interview this upcoming Thursday, 7/17/14. I'm so fucking nervous. It's been a good awhile since I've last worked or had an interview. And now it's after cancer. No long hair to somewhat hide behind. I fear being judged, not being good enough for the position, but I know that I'd excel in it. It's not too far off from what I did once.

But what I'm trying to say is that no matter how nonchalant I come across or how secure I may seem, I do have insecurities still. They gnaw at me when I'm having an off day. Sometimes I just want to crawl out of my skin (if only that were possible). And then it turns into feelings of always getting the short end of the stick.

It's something I'm working on daily though. I try to look at the mirror & tell myself something positive. I know there are things I can't change & other things I can. I'm trying to find the motivation to do those, but some of them require money. I'm telling myself if I get the job I'll get a gym membership. Something I was always against, because why exercise when you got the outdoors and you can make your own equipment. Obviously that hasn't worked out great for me. I know if I start exercising I'll feel 100 times better about myself. I'm not looking to lose weight, but tone up, especially get rid of my double chin. I know people think I'm crazy, but I have it, there's no denying it.

Well, I'm getting a tad bit sidetracked. I just pray that I get this job, so I can start making money again & not have to rely on my parents to pay my bills. They've never had to pay my bills & I feel so lame! Since I started working at 17, if I wanted something, I could get it. I could pay my bills on my terms. This is too weird for me & I wanna feel self-sufficient in that way at least.

Wish me luck!