We saw the nurse practitioner last Thursday, she said results for the MRI came back good, no cancer has spread! As for the genetic test, I have to wait a bit longer, insurance was being a jerk about the date of service, but LOOKS like it got taken care of. Hopefully, in 2 weeks I'll hear some good news about that. More of the waiting game.
Last night, I went to a young patient's support group in San Diego, at the hospital I'm going to. The group is for both men & women, in their 20s, 30s, & 40s, dealing with any type of cancer. We covered obstacles that we are facing, while living with that "scary" word cancer. There was this cool, chick in her late 20s, who had an awesome attitude & was up-front with it. Her biggest advice was that it's all easy right now, but once we're done & in remission, that's where it's going to suck. Everyone else also agreed with that statement, so I'm just bracing myself for when that time comes. I'm glad they are honest & just straight-up & tell you what to expect. The last thing I want to hear is that it will be daisies & posies, BULLSHIT. It's going to be hard & I'm not going to expect being strong all the time. I'll fall, but I'll pick myself up & get back on that dangerous road called L I FE. They did mention how people sort-of disappear once you're in remission. The calls, the questions of how you're doing, the genuity of it all, lessens. Not necessarily, that people don't care anymore, but since you're "ok" some just put you in the back of their head. THIS is why they said the worse part is after everything is over. You don't know what to do with yourself, you long for attention or for someone to just look out for your well-being. I'd assume some of you would think it's needy, but when YOU deal with it, you just want someone to be there. Plain & simple.
I guess when I do think about what's going on, my biggest concern is how I'm going to look & how it will affect my self-esteem. I know its sounds really vain, but we all know that in this world looks matter, unfortunately. I do have my days, like today, where I didn't feel comfortable with how I looked. I felt like my boobs looked abnormal. I know they probably didn't, but it was something that got stuck in my head when I changed this morning. It didn't help that I ate a lot during lunch & had a "food baby" so I just looked odd today, haha.
Anyways.. I've obviously been put in a situation where I have to think about the future, especially having babies. The possibility of not having any, or also not being able to find a partner that will understand everything I've gone (will be going) through. That's the hardest pill to swallow. I'm putting my trust & faith in God, & I know he'll put everything how it should be.
Which leads me to the awesome weekend I had! I had a mini vacation, it was totally what I needed to relieve some tension & have some good ol' fun.
I went up to San Diego on Saturday afternoon, met up with my friend Susie, went to eat at Slater's 50/50, BOMBSKIES!!! I had the bacon burger. Overload of bacon & I don't regret it ;)
The next day was just plain, awesome!!! I met up with Lauren, we had breakfast at The Broken Yolk, and again, overload of bacon, hahaha.We shared our stories, it felt so good talking to someone who knows exactly what it's like. THANK YOU, LAUREN!
Later that day, Susie & my brother, David, went to Sunset Cliffs & we met up with Jon, Turi & Vanessa. We enjoyed the gorgeous sunset, absolutely breathtaking. It was one of those feelings where you felt infinite. The saltiness smell of the ocean. The cool, wind that was blowing through my hair. The laughter in the air. It made me feel alive.
After that memorable time, we went back to my brother's house for some carne asada. It was really laid back, had some good food & vibes. Reminiscing about the old days, how long we've known each other, what everyone is up to. There was this moment when I mentioned, we grew up together, not thinking that something like cancer would happen to someone we've known since elementary. Kinda surreal.
The next day, David & I went to the San Diego Museum of Man & the Instruments of Torture exhibit. I was so stoked to be there, & enjoyed every moment of it. I wish I could've taken photos of the exhibit, but they didn't allow it, loser's! At the museum, I went a bit crazy photographing everything.
Of course, when I saw C-3PO, I automatically thought of my sistah!
MY FAVORITE PART OF THE MUSEUM WAS THE ANCIENT EGYPT EXHIBIT! I've had an obsession with Mummies, Egyptian artifacts, etc., since I was a little girl. At one point in time, I wanted to be an Archaeologist! So, when I got to see this, I was in heaven.
Overall, this weekend was a memorable, fun experience. I'm glad I got to do these things with great people, in a great place. Can't wait to do it again!
All of this, is a reminder to keep on fighting & being that cancer, ass-kicking, WARRIOR QUEEN!
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